holy week

written on Holy Thursday 2011 when i got stranded on the boat going home to the province

This has been , to date, the worst travel experience i have so far coming home to Camotes.i mean, the trip in itself was smooth-sailing and uneventful, and after less than 2 hours we arrived at the Port of Consuelo so i thought i would be driving home to Tudela in a few minutes and can have my dinner 30 minutes after but to my dismay the ro-ro vessel i got on could not dock...at first i thought it was the same as when i went home last February for my dad's first death anniversary although contrary to the weather today which is warm and sunny and with serene seas, that time was a bit rough and very windy.the same also happened last time yet it was not this long, and we were able to alight after less than thirty minutes.well, my guess isnt right, we have been here for almost two hours and sometimes impatience takes over not only me but the rest of the passengers who i presume had been excited and looking forward to having dinner and getting some rest in the warmth of a house not here in this diesel-smelling, engine-roaring steel of a vessel.my patience is really getting thin here, normally i would weigh things and think about the problem at hand, why is it happening and why are the people involved having a hard time making a solution to it..then i would calm down when im in their shoes and try to think like them but i am irritated with this boat crew here...to me it seems like they are not doing anything , they tried to maneuver a couple of times but failed and then they just seem to stop and just laugh it off, puffing cigarettes on the side..they dont even have the decency to apologize to us passengers who have been stuck here for like forever,for the inconvenience this trip has caused us.after all , we should be home by now ,it is Maundy Thursday!Everyone on board here is a combination of bored,hungry and tired and i,especially, just wanna get out of here and go home!just imagine i went through the whole albums of BEP & Bruno Mars and now im presently listening to Katy Perry's.How many more albums should i hear before i can set foot on land?i am not even sure if this vessel has a captain and if so, why isnt he doing something?im freakin annoyed.i am traveling alone and i dont even have someone to talk to here, people are complaining, some are shouting already and i dont blame them but i still get annoyed with them too!some are trying to lean on my car in front and trying to scramble up on the pickup side of the truck..i dont want to shoo them away because it wont be good but if they continue to be rude and disrespectful, i might do it soon.i do not really know if the crew has any plans at all on what to do, maybe we will just be waiting for the tide to go up, which is probably freakin happening after 7 or 8 hours from now!i am just so freakin frustrated right now and to think i had doubts

for you

...drafted on 25 November 2011 for our sweet little girl taken away from us by her mom

Since you left our then happy home, we were never the same. For the past three years, we took your mom and you under our wing and treated you as we would our family, because you Sam, are part of us. During those times when your mom was not welcome in her own home for having you, she lived in Guadalupe and not one of us told her to leave. She was more than welcome especially since she brought with her the tiny bundle of joy which is YOU. Ever since i first saw you, i may not be your mother, but i knew then how special you are, that we need to give you the best for you to grow healthy, strong and most of all, happy.I may not be the one to put you to sleep, not the one your eyes see when you wake up from slumber, i may not have all the time in the world for you, but since day 1 of your life, i was a silent witness. Your first steps and the way your eyes look when you get scared of falling down the floor, your first words, when you surprised me by calling my name "yeye" because you cannot fully pronounced my nick "lilil". the way you cry when i leave for work that sometimes your kuya sid or eman would just take you , sit at the front and get off Maxi at the corner, so that you wont have to cry. The way, you watched TV and learn all those songs from the children's show "Dora" and "Yo Gabba Gabba". I could go on and on and it would take me days to finish all the things i had been witness to about you since the first day you were brought to our home. Growing up, you were, as what i call, the most photographed baby in the whole world...well it might not be true but to me, you are and i have a picture diary of you. You have been used to the word "picture picture" which when blurted would make you wear this sweet , sweet innocent smile and a pose you mimicked from tita cha or nanay led. Your endless singing the songs that we taught you was music to my ears in the morning. Your curiosity on just about everything was never irritating and even though i never spoil you by telling you my things are not toys to be played with, whenever you start to disarrange the items on my table, ate baby does the opposite by just allowing you to do just about anything with her things. I miss those times when you request me to play the song "Peacock" by Katy Perry when you jump in on Maxi and we're driving, not knowing that this tune has a hidden meaning to its lyrics which is supposedly not for kids.All these and more are gone now. It has been. since before your third birthday. Yes, i admit, this is not my fight. I am not your mother. I am just one of the sisters of your grandma. yes i understand...it is not our fight ...we do not have the right to question ..and so here i am, just keeping my silence since a few months ago but i am honestly suffering from the inside. I cry everyday because i miss you, our little one. You had been the life in our home and now